Written by Dr. Paulette J. Evans | Evans Efficiency Experts | KNOW Raleigh
Six degrees of separation is a very real concept. According to TechTarget, “it is the theory that any person on the planet can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than five [links].” In 2016, Facebook researchers discovered that with the help of social media, the amount of separation has reduced to three and half from six. Given that, we can often be in the same room with a friend of a friend of a friend who we already had some form of interaction with, but did not capitalize on it in the moment.
Because the world is actually so small, some simple conversations or interactions can lead to extraordinary connections, not just a passing nod or wave. As eager entrepreneurs, we need to approach every interaction as a two-way street; we also need to use active listening to remain present during the interaction in order to acquire key takeaways for maintaining new connections. Below are a few best practices that can help you expand your network in a purposeful way!
3 A’s of Active Listening
ATTITUDE is a settled way of thinking or feeling. These are some crucial DOs + DON’Ts to ensure you bring the right attitude to the interaction. DO limit your talking so the other person has space to speak. DO listen for ideas and opportunities to ensure you are hearing what you need to hear and capitalize on. DO remain open to the conversation, specifically because you have no idea what you do not know or what you will be extremely good at! DON’T interrupt the speaker…if you have something important to say, wait until they are finished making their statement. DON’T have expectations or preconceived ideas; come to the conversation with an open mind. DON’T jump to conclusions or attempt to finish someone’s sentences.
ATTENTION is notice taken of someone or something as important. These are some significant DOs + DON’Ts to guarantee you pay proper attention during the interaction. DO focus on the person who is speaking. DO maintain eye contact to ensure the other person knows you are listening intently. DO listen with your ears, as much as with your eyes. DON’T show signs of impatience, especially if you are having a moment when you wish the person would just get to the point; everyone processes information at different rates. DON’T multitask during the conversation…the person deserves your respect. DON’T spend your time thinking about what you are going to say next because that means you are no longer giving the person your undivided attention. If you are someone who needs to jot down ideas/responses, tell the person that at the beginning of the conversation and make notes as needed.
ADJUSTMENT is a small alteration made to achieve a desired fit. These are some important DOs + DON’Ts to ensure you make any necessary adjustments during the conversation. DO have the right disposition from the start of the conversation; show up like you want to be there. DO manage your emotions during the discussion. DO ask questions when appropriate and necessary; this shows that the conversation is an actual conversation! DON’T project your ideas…this is not the time to try to convince the other person that your way is the best way. DON’T judge the person in your head while they are speaking to you; when you show up as a safe space, people willingly share with you and that leads to a meaningful connection. DON’T be defensive or think you are being attacked just because the person has a different view than yours.
5 W’s to Maintaining Connections
The 5 Ws are not a new concept; however, you need to think about them a little differently in this context. WHO is the person you are interacting with? Make sure you capture their full name, nicknames, titles, pronouns, etc. WHAT do they do? Capture their position, career, passions, hobbies, etc. WHEN did you meet them? Make a note of the time, day, month, and/or year you met the person. WHERE did you meet them? Capture exactly where you met the person in terms of the location, conference, meeting, etc.
The twist comes with the WHY…WHY do you need to circle back to this person in order to maintain this connection? ACTION is needed (and you can think of this as the 4th A)! Follow the below process map to determine if the connection is worth it and, if it is, how to take action to ensure the person remains in your circle and becomes an extraordinary connection.
In summary, remember the 3 As: Have the right ATTITUDE, give your undivided ATTENTION, and make ADJUSTMENTS when necessary; and apply the 5 Ws: WHO is the person, WHAT do they do, WHEN did you meet them, WHERE did you meet them, and WHY do you need to circle back to them (this requires ACTION, the 4th A). Trust me…these best practices will ensure you convert every conversation to an extraordinary connection!
In summary, remember the 3 As: Have the right ATTITUDE, give your undivided ATTENTION, and make ADJUSTMENTS when necessary; and apply the 5 Ws: WHO is the person, WHAT do they do, WHEN did you meet them, WHERE did you meet them, and WHY do you need to circle back to them (this requires ACTION, the 4th A). Trust me…these best practices will ensure you convert every conversation to an extraordinary connection!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Paulette Evans
Evans Efficiency Experts
Dr. Paulette J. Evans, BSEE, MBA, SSBB, CPHQ, PMP, CKF lives in Raleigh, NC and identifies as a
process improvement/project management expert who utilizes proven methodologies to
effectively and efficiently solve problems at work, at home, and everywhere in between.
Because this ability comes naturally to her, she recently launched Evans Efficiency Experts, a
consulting firm focused on helping people and organizations solve complex problems,
implement lasting changes, and increase the efficiency in their lives. Paulette also has a passion
for empowering women to be strong, self-reliant, and successful in all of their endeavors, so
she spends any free time she has volunteering for organizations that have this same focus,
including Junior League of Raleigh, Raleigh Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta, NC Triangle
Chapter of Ellevate Network, KNOW Cares, and Soroptimist International of Wake Forest.
During any remaining free time, Paulette loves traveling internationally, creating new recipes in
the kitchen, relaxing at the spa, and spending time with her husband of 18 years, John Jamal
Evans, PhD.
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